Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Do You Ever....
Do you ever feel this way??? I found this poem that I had written last year. I was wondering where it was just a couple of days ago. Funny, isn't it, how things appear or reappear just as you need them?? So I'm going to share it with you. It doesn't really have a title. It just sort of bubbled out of me one day while waiting in the pediatrician's waiting room with RoseFlower. I couldn't stop writing until it was finished! Ha ha! Good thing our pedi was running a bit behind that day, huh?
Nerves are raw - jangling, clangling -
So tired of disobedience, defiance, delays-
Lord help me control my temper, my tone, give me peace -
I just want to run to
Your quiet peaceful arms to rest and to play.
My head aches, my heart races, my chest hurts - I just want to cry.
The plans I make disappear like wisps of smoke in the sky.
Over and over again -
Will there ever be an end?
Is it possible to actually accomplish plans made?
Or will I always be forced just to be tied and simply watch my days fade?
Feeling time slipping away, life passing me by -
Again, I just want to lay down and cry.
I'm tired of being stuck at the station -
I want to get on that fast racing train!
Where does it lead? Am I really too scared?
Do I think it will lead to only more pain?
Future is uncertainty -
but with God there is calm.
Clinging to Him is like
covering yourself with a balm.
Are circumstances holding me back -
or am I really to blame?
Trying to figure it all our fills me with
such shame.
Ashamed underneath because inside
I really know
That I am the only one who can dig myself
out of the snow.
Oh yes - God will help!
I know that is true -
So why oh why am I still feeling so blue?
Is the task too big?
No, not with the help of my Lord.
I just need to blindly have faith -
Take the first step then more.
After that first ..another step, step, step, step.
Keep on ...keep on... even if I get sore.
I've been told I'm very patient - yes this is true.
And on persistence, yeah - I have much more than a clue.
The fire in my belly is still hot for the chase.
But what am I to run for?
What is my fate?
Do I want to marry?
At times, I don't really know.
But is that just because I can't see past
the very short tip of my nose???
What is my goal?
What is my role?
Right now, I just want to go underground like a mole!
A mom, a daughter, a daughter of God -
yes these are roles,
But is that all for my life?
Who is the real me?
And why does this question bring me such strife?
Please don't think me ungratejul,
Please don't think me untrue,
I'm sure what's talking right now
is my varying shades of blue.
Where does one go to find these things out?
There must be a place -
I can't walk around all my life sporting
a pout on my face!
Again my chest hurts -
constricting, sqeezing and tight
It makes me want to stand up and fight!
But fight against what?
For what do I fight?
My place in this world!
Out from under this blight!
I'm not just a mother!
I'm not just a daughter!
I'm the child of a KING - the HOLIEST of all fathers!
He has plans for me, I know He does
For I am not just a stick in the mud!!!
So you ask what I'll do? Who I'll become?
I will sit patiently on my Father's lap
Listening to His wise, loving voice from above.
I will wait on His timing -
I will live for His cause.
And while I'm here waiting,
I'll keep working without pause.
Being the mother, the daughter
He wants me to be.
Living my life to serve Him only -
and always listening for His plea.
Okay, so maybe it didn't ring true for you...or maybe it did??? I'm sure I'm not the only one in the whole wide world that feels like this...am I????
So I did finish with 99% of the paperwork. Still have to fill in a few details online tomorrow am before my appointment. Please pray, that if it is His Will, that RoseFlower will be approved quickly for disability. And that I could find some way to have an income since I am no longer able to work. Thank you so much for your prayers.
I will share that recipe I made last night with you, I haven't forgotten. I'm just toast now! Please know that I am praying for you, even though I don't know you!! Because God does, and He knows just exactly what you need in your life!
Hugs........MamaRose--that's a good way to sign, huh??
Nerves are raw - jangling, clangling -
So tired of disobedience, defiance, delays-
Lord help me control my temper, my tone, give me peace -
I just want to run to
Your quiet peaceful arms to rest and to play.
My head aches, my heart races, my chest hurts - I just want to cry.
The plans I make disappear like wisps of smoke in the sky.
Over and over again -
Will there ever be an end?
Is it possible to actually accomplish plans made?
Or will I always be forced just to be tied and simply watch my days fade?
Feeling time slipping away, life passing me by -
Again, I just want to lay down and cry.
I'm tired of being stuck at the station -
I want to get on that fast racing train!
Where does it lead? Am I really too scared?
Do I think it will lead to only more pain?
Future is uncertainty -
but with God there is calm.
Clinging to Him is like
covering yourself with a balm.
Are circumstances holding me back -
or am I really to blame?
Trying to figure it all our fills me with
such shame.
Ashamed underneath because inside
I really know
That I am the only one who can dig myself
out of the snow.
Oh yes - God will help!
I know that is true -
So why oh why am I still feeling so blue?
Is the task too big?
No, not with the help of my Lord.
I just need to blindly have faith -
Take the first step then more.
After that first ..another step, step, step, step.
Keep on ...keep on... even if I get sore.
I've been told I'm very patient - yes this is true.
And on persistence, yeah - I have much more than a clue.
The fire in my belly is still hot for the chase.
But what am I to run for?
What is my fate?
Do I want to marry?
At times, I don't really know.
But is that just because I can't see past
the very short tip of my nose???
What is my goal?
What is my role?
Right now, I just want to go underground like a mole!
A mom, a daughter, a daughter of God -
yes these are roles,
But is that all for my life?
Who is the real me?
And why does this question bring me such strife?
Please don't think me ungratejul,
Please don't think me untrue,
I'm sure what's talking right now
is my varying shades of blue.
Where does one go to find these things out?
There must be a place -
I can't walk around all my life sporting
a pout on my face!
Again my chest hurts -
constricting, sqeezing and tight
It makes me want to stand up and fight!
But fight against what?
For what do I fight?
My place in this world!
Out from under this blight!
I'm not just a mother!
I'm not just a daughter!
I'm the child of a KING - the HOLIEST of all fathers!
He has plans for me, I know He does
For I am not just a stick in the mud!!!
So you ask what I'll do? Who I'll become?
I will sit patiently on my Father's lap
Listening to His wise, loving voice from above.
I will wait on His timing -
I will live for His cause.
And while I'm here waiting,
I'll keep working without pause.
Being the mother, the daughter
He wants me to be.
Living my life to serve Him only -
and always listening for His plea.
Okay, so maybe it didn't ring true for you...or maybe it did??? I'm sure I'm not the only one in the whole wide world that feels like this...am I????
So I did finish with 99% of the paperwork. Still have to fill in a few details online tomorrow am before my appointment. Please pray, that if it is His Will, that RoseFlower will be approved quickly for disability. And that I could find some way to have an income since I am no longer able to work. Thank you so much for your prayers.
I will share that recipe I made last night with you, I haven't forgotten. I'm just toast now! Please know that I am praying for you, even though I don't know you!! Because God does, and He knows just exactly what you need in your life!
Hugs........MamaRose--that's a good way to sign, huh??
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Eyes Blurred..Leaning on Jesus
Filling out SS Disability paperwork online for my Precious Daughter, RoseFlower. So brain numbing to spend so much time in front of the computer. Let me rephrase that--time in front of the computer filling out such deeply personal family history. I'm trying really hard to write it as just a journalist would. It's really not working very well.
Oh, please Father, help me to get through this. If it is Your will, please let this be approved. I know You have a wonderful plan for our lives...please forgive me in my fleshly physical and emotional exhaustion for.. my weaknesses.. it is not that I don't believe that You do have a plan for us, I know You do....it just seems to be going on for so long..the hardships, Father. Getting close to 19 years, Father. Please don't see me as ungrateful for the time of living You have given me....and all the wonderful beautiful blessings that You have poured over my head. I'm ashamed to even feel discouraged. Please forgive me, Saviour! Give me strength... please help my precious RoseFlower in her most recent setback. Heal her please as You see fit, Heavenly Physician.
Your Loving Daughter......
thank you, Lord.... as soon as I post this entry, I look to the left and see the verse of the day-here it is in case you are reading this at a later date-
"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”
(Ecclesiastes 11:5)
God always sends us little emails just when we need them, doesn't He?? Whether they be a sweet little birdy, a flower you haven't seen before, a stranger's smile or kind word that somehow just seems to fit in perfectly, or a Bible verse that hits you in your face on your very own blog! hee hee hee! I love you so much Lord Jesus!!! You are my Hero!
Off to cook dinner and sing some praise music...will get back to paperwork later. I'll share my recipe after paperwork is done. Tonight we are having Cousin P's Spaghetti! And believe you me....Cousin P..he, yes HE, is a wonderful chef!!!
Love and hugs......
Oh, please Father, help me to get through this. If it is Your will, please let this be approved. I know You have a wonderful plan for our lives...please forgive me in my fleshly physical and emotional exhaustion for.. my weaknesses.. it is not that I don't believe that You do have a plan for us, I know You do....it just seems to be going on for so long..the hardships, Father. Getting close to 19 years, Father. Please don't see me as ungrateful for the time of living You have given me....and all the wonderful beautiful blessings that You have poured over my head. I'm ashamed to even feel discouraged. Please forgive me, Saviour! Give me strength... please help my precious RoseFlower in her most recent setback. Heal her please as You see fit, Heavenly Physician.
Your Loving Daughter......
thank you, Lord.... as soon as I post this entry, I look to the left and see the verse of the day-here it is in case you are reading this at a later date-
"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”
(Ecclesiastes 11:5)
God always sends us little emails just when we need them, doesn't He?? Whether they be a sweet little birdy, a flower you haven't seen before, a stranger's smile or kind word that somehow just seems to fit in perfectly, or a Bible verse that hits you in your face on your very own blog! hee hee hee! I love you so much Lord Jesus!!! You are my Hero!
Off to cook dinner and sing some praise music...will get back to paperwork later. I'll share my recipe after paperwork is done. Tonight we are having Cousin P's Spaghetti! And believe you me....Cousin P..he, yes HE, is a wonderful chef!!!
Love and hugs......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)